The war of the football worlds

ABC/AAP

All troops report for duty.  This is war.  I repeat, this is war!  A sleeping giant has awoken to steal our game, stadia and identity.  Be on the lookout for these sporting terrorists, no one can be trusted.  This is a matter of national security.  If you see a sheila, wog or poofter acting suspicious they are almost certainly the enemy, so proceed with caution.  If they are in possession of a round ball, do not look directly at it as it may cause permanent damage to the medial prefrontal cortices of the brain leading to a lapse in xenophobia.

No, this isn’t a recent memo to staff from Andrew Demetriou, David Gallop or John O’Neill.  It’s surely just my paranoia at the sheer thought of Australia missing out on hosting the biggest sporting event in the world due to a civil war of sorts between the football codes.

The battle is on and the four rival football chiefs are fighting hard for their bit of turf in a war that will most definitely play out like a soap opera.  The AFL are acting like the father of sport sitting at the head of the dinner table, the NRL are having diarrhea through the ears in fear of losing their already diminished market share and the ARU are trying to act important but really, no one cares unless the Wallabies win.

Over the past fortnight or so, our daily newspapers have been filled with mistruths, beat-ups and fear mongering relating to Football Federation Australia (FFA) and FIFA’s plans to “hijack” the city of Melbourne.  AFL Neanderthal, Demetriou, is using his position of power to flex some political muscle and claim Melbourne as an Aussie Rules town.  If “soccer” wants to do anything, it better ask the footy mafia or else it’ll be sleepin’ with the fishes in the Yarra.  Someone ought to tell Demetriou that just over 50% of Victory supporters are also members of an AFL club.

Similarly, Gallop is concerned about football’s growing popularity having a direct impact on the sustained growth of Rugby League.  Sorry David, you’re flogging a dead horse, mate.  When it comes to lighting up a nation, nothing stirs emotions like the Socceroos.

It’s amazing to think that qualifying for a World Cup back-to-back can bring so much positive energy.  FFA Chairman, Frank Lowy and his team led by Ben Buckley are determined to showcase Australia as the best possible candidate to host either the 2018 or 2022 FIFA World Cup.  No amount of infighting or dick measuring will matter, for Australia, and more importantly Australians, are ready for the world to Come Play! in our sunburnt country.

We’ve hosted the Olympic Games, Commonwealth Games and many other truly cultural experiences in Australia.  The World Cup will boost our economy, stagnant tourism industry and lift our international profile.  This event isn’t just about football (or sport) either, it’s about Australia.

I’d like to think that Australia is a tolerant country, one that shares its resources and builds for the future.  We are multicultural, socially liberal and great humanitarians.  We can win one of the two bids if we back ourselves.

However, one crucial factor hovers over us like a dark storm cloud…  Are we genuinely united in embracing football?  If we can’t convince 13 out of the 24-man FIFA executive committee of that fact, we’re doomed.  It’s time for our rival football codes to stop the war and think of the bigger picture.  Football’s here to stay, get used to it.  Just watch this country ignite when we compete in South Africa, next June.

In the past it was crocodiles, shrimps on the barbie and blondes without a bloody clue.  This time, Australia’s ready to make real history, with or without the boofheads.

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